I think I must be growing.
Some days feel hopeless and make the bad stuff feel more
important.
On other days I feel confident and amazed at how strong I’ve become
in some ways.
I’ve had new stressors that have pushed me to adapt and step
forward as a leader, I’ve had a chosen few strong mentors at my side as opposed
to a mass of mediocre advisors, and I’ve become responsible for the husbandry
of several animals.
On most days, I have no inherent interest for God’s Word.
Sure, I’ll pray for myself and others throughout the day. But there is little
passion for cultivating our relationship. On a certain few days, I will be
overcome with despair for my sin, and overwhelmed with adoration for my Abba’s
work in my salvation. But, as my dear friend SM reminds me, seeing your
feelings as the most important part of your relationship with the King is SIN,
for it minimizes the power of the cross.
In light of all this, I praise God. He is worthy of worship
not only for the immense growth He has effected in my past, nor for the
miracles He is working in my life today, but for all of this, including the
future salvation that is in store for me, which is too wonderful for me to
understand.
One of my dearest friends used to say that my most godly
trait was my desire for growth. I didn’t understand that concept very well the
first time I heard it. But I’m beginning to realize how important it is. I
thank the Lord of all things for giving me idiosyncratic desires, and this one
being something that does not come from my natural self. He is perfecting me
and making me holy…. and helping me WANT to be holy.
What a merciful King we serve!
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever."
Isaiah 40:8
